Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Jokes? No, no, these are manners.

   There is a saying in Japanese, 「挨拶が出来れば、何でも出来る」 (Aisatsu ga dekireba, nandemo dekiru). It translates roughly to: "If you can say your Greetings properly, you can do anything." 
   "Aisatsu" encompasses a wide range of ritualistic phrases. You might translate it as "greetings" or "pleasantries" depending on the situation. It includes saying Good morning, Good afternoon, and Good night, but it also includes countless other phrases, such as "Itadakimasu!" before you eat and "Gochisousama deshita" after you finish a meal. It includes saying "Shitsureishimasu" when you enter someone else's office, and "Shitsureishimashita" when you leave. Or, when you visit someone's house, "Ojamashimasu!" And then there is the all-encompassing "Yoroshiku-onegaishimasu," which you use in all kinds of situations: at the beginning of a business relationship, at the beginning of class, when you are about to undertake a task with someone, when you ask someone to do you a favor, and much, much more. The other day I even got into a Yoroshiku-onegaishimasu battle in which I and the person I was talking to repeatedly bowed at each other, repeating "Yoroshiku-onegaishimasu! Onegai-shimasu!" as I slowly backed up, hoping that once I was far enough away, it wouldn't be rude to cut the battle short.
   I suppose the corresponding phenomemon in the US would be "manners" in general, including phrases like "Excuse me" or "Pardon me." But Aisatsu seem to be much more important and prevalent in Japan. They make social interactions go smoothly because they provide a script for you and your partner to follow. For example, in the US (at least where I'm from) talking about the weather is considered boring and lame, and you only fall back on it when you are having a conversation with a complete stranger or with someone you have absolutely no common ground with. (Well, unless you just got three feet of snow.) But here, I've noticed that if one person says something like, "It's cold today, isn't it?" literally every other person in the room will chime in enthusiastically: "Yes, it's really cold today!"

   Since Aisatsu are so important, a big part of growing up in Japan is learning to say them properly. Parents and teachers praise kids when they say them properly, and when they don't, they teach them what to say, or ask, "Aisatsu ha?" (What about your aisatsu?).

   I always try to say Aisatsu properly to show that I'm not an incompetent foreigner, but sometimes I slip up. The other night, I mistakenly said "Konbanha!" as I was saying good bye to a friend. In English, we have two phrases: "Good evening," which is a greeting, and "Good night," which we use to say good bye. In Japanese, Konbanha is strictly a greeting, but on this particular evening, I was thinking "Good night" as I said it. 

   「こんばんは」じゃないでしょ!「さようなら」でしょ!said my friend. "Not 'Good evening!' 'Farewell!!'"

   Japanese people are usually very good at holding their tongues when you make mistakes (sometimes they even praise you ironically). But, perhaps because Aisatsu are so fundamental, they quickly lose their usual diplomacy when you mess them up.

    しつれいしました!さようなら!
    I'm sorry! I meant Farewell!

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